My phone rang and on the other end was a frantic mom pleading for help. She was pleading because her son was a rising soccer star in the United Kingdom and he had recently begun vomiting before games and practice and was considering quitting soccer. She had no idea where it was coming from, but was convinced her son wasn’t able to handle the pressure of serious competition anymore.
After listening to her worries for a few minutes, I stopped her. She was making a classic mistake I see sports parents make every day. And if she didn’t stop, she was going to contribute even more to his issues and probably cause him to quit.
Her mistake?
She was attributing his problems with something that was wrong with him and passing judgement. Like most parents she was too close to the situation to really see what was going on. After asking a handful of targeted questions, I got to the root of the problem.
To put it bluntly, his new coach was a jerk.
He was verbally abusive and singled out her son constantly and insulting him in front of teammates. All of this occurred despite the fact he was one of the top performers on the team and a positive teammate to others. He was quickly losing his love for the game and getting emotionally worn out.
Before I finish the story, let’s get to the threats…
The Two Biggest Threats…
- Coaches.
- Parents.
In a study we conducted in 2006 of over 1100 top level amateur athletes that had quit their sport, despite promising futures. 82% said they quit because of problems with coaches or parental pressures.
The numbers shocked me. Based on my experience I knew the numbers were high, but I didn’t think they’d be that high. Of all the factors in sport that should threaten an athletes future, coaches and parents should be the last two. They’re the ones that should support and build the confidence of the athlete. Unfortunately, because of poor communication skills and a lack of perspective, parents and coaches destroy the confidence and desire of athletes all over the world.
If you’re dealing with this yourself… than keep reading.
Story Continued…
After talking to the soccer mom for a few more minutes, we scheduled a call with her son. During our first session, I convinced him to continue to play the sport he loved and gave him a ninja communication strategy to use on his coach. (Trust me. It pays to know human behavior and mass psychology.) He was completely against using it, but I reassured him it would work.
Sure enough, the next call, he was excited and back to loving soccer again because our strategy worked and his coach was no longer verbally assaulting him. In fact, his coach ended up apologizing to him and his parents, even though that wasn’t the intent of our strategy.
But there’s one incredibly valuable thing that comes out of these situations if a person doesn’t quit. The skill of overcoming adversity. Just like repetitive arm curls builds the bicep. The adversity muscle is flexed with every challenge. The more challenges you face and overcome… the harder it is for anyone or anything to stop you. <<=== Critical factor to success!
Some final tips…
If you’re a parent or coach, LEAD them to success, don’t manipulate, scream, insult or shame them to success. Because I can promise you your son, daughter or athlete, is a day away from throwing in the towel. And, will resent you for it, for a very long time.
I doubt that’s the legacy you want.
Tips For Parents…
If your son or daughter is dealing with a difficult coach here are a couple of quick tips:
- Find another authority figure to lean on for support. Get them involved with a skill coach that is positive or someone like myself to give them strategies to deal with the problem…
- Get them around other athletes that are positive. Enrolling them in additional programs or camps can be a great way to give them another source of encouragement.
Tips For Athletes…
If you’re the one dealing with a coach like this here are a couple of tips for you:
- Hang around positive teammates or other athletes… Remember, be the person you’d most like to be around. If you’d like other people to be positive and supportive towards you, be positive and supportive towards others. It’s simple, but most people fail to realize it’s benefits. Plus, I’ve seen groups of teammates stick up for one another when a coach is acting like a bully towards someone they know is good to them.
- Email me, describe the situation and I’ll give you some advice.
I’d love to get your feedback about any experience you’ve had with difficult coaches or parents. Or, if you’ve had success dealing with a coach that’s been a problem share it with others.